**ALERT** This one is serious...

It's been forever since I've posted something! Wow...sorry about that. So the other day, I was watching some show on TV. This lady had killed her husband after years of emotional abuse. She finally had, had enough, after threatening her and her kids. This got me to thinking, the host of the show was telling people that if they are in that situation, to get out. Easy enough? I don't think so. Once you're that deep, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to leave. I've heard people I know say "Well, she's dumb for not getting out! If that was me, I would've gotten out right away." So I have an experience, it's nothing this bad, but it was the beginning stages of something that could've turned out a lot worse, and I got out. It was hard, even with how new the relationship was. I met this guy, we'll call him...GuyA. haha. Ok, anyway. I met him online. At first, he was so sweet; he had flowers delivered to my work on our one month anniversary, he would take me on dates and pay, he would open doors for me, he would come around my family, he would support me in my decisions, etc. For the first three months, everything was perfect. I thought he was the most amazing man, ever, and I think that was where my downfall was. Thinking he was the most amazing man, of course I would never want to leave him or upset him. I did everything to make him happy, just like he was doing everything to make me happy. So I'm going to tell you how we went from this blissful relationship, to a year later, him yelling at me in the middle of a restaurant and raising his hand to hit me. It was our one year anniversary. GuyA and I had decided to go up to The Gateway in Salt Lake and go to Applebees and find something else afterwards. So he came over after work, and told me that I had to drive because he didn't have gas. Ok, that's fine. As we were driving, he told me I needed to pay because he didn't have money. Well, I had gotten used to paying anyway, but I'll talk about that in a minute. As we got to Salt Lake, I wanted to go to the covered pay parking, it was January, and it was cold. He yelled at me and told me to park in the free parking, so I did. We got out of the car, the winter wind blowing, he yelled at me for not telling him to get his jacket. At this time, my thinking was, that this WAS my fault. I was so stupid for not reminding him to take his jacket. Now? I'm thinking, what the freak...it's January, what person doesn't KNOW they need a jacket in this weather? Right? Anyway..on with the night. We get to the restaurant and sit down. GuyA sits down next to me and turns his chair to watch the TV. His favorite drink was Dr. Pepper, so I told him that I would order him Dr. Pepper, he tells me he just wants water. This was so unlike him. He never ordered water, it was ALWAYS Dr. Pepper. I told him to stop being like this, and to just get Dr. Pepper. He turns around, and told me that he's getting water. The waiter comes, I tell him to bring him a Dr. Pepper, GuyA gets mad and says he just wants water. I tell the waiter, it's ok, to bring a Dr. Pepper and water, trying to please GuyA again. GuyA gets more mad because of this. Now he won't even talk to me. The waiter comes back and I order an appetizer and I order GuyA a steak (his favorite) and order my food. After waiter leaves, I try to talk to GuyA. No luck, he won't even turn his head. I try to tell him it's our anniversary, and we should be having a good time. No good. I put my hand on his neck, trying to get his attention, this makes GuyA extremely mad. He turns around, stands up, and yells "Get your fu***** hand off me, you stupid bi***!!" He then raises his hand to hit me, looks at the table of men next to us, and walks out of the restaurant. I sat there, humiliated and hurt. I didn't know what to do. I start to call my friend, Lisa. I don't want to cry, and cause more attention to myself. Everyone is staring. I look like a helpless girl who gets abused. Luckily Lisa is in Salt Lake with some friends, she'll come pick me up from the restaurant. I hang up with her. I call my mom and tell her what happened. I can't even talk through my tears. The watier comes and wants to know if I want to cancel the order and to see if I'm ok. I tell him to keep the order, trying not to act like a drama queen. I tell him I want it to go. He brings out the food in a sack, I pay, and walk out of the restaurant. I get a text from GuyA telling me he's sorry and that he'll go to my house tonight to make me feel better. I break down. Luckily Lisa was waiting for me by the curb. GuyA's sister texts me...I tell her it's over. GuyA keeps texting me, apologizing. Lisa takes my phone. The next day, I'm the most happy I've been in a long time. I feel relieved and happy. GuyA left scars that will take a long time to heal, and my self esteem needs time to be built up, but it'll happen. I'm afraid to speak my mind, I'm afraid to disagree with anyone, I'm afraid to do a lot of things. But these feelings pass with time. How did I get this way? How did I turn into this scared girl afraid to stand up for myself? After the first three months, GuyA changed. I can't go into detail, I don't remember a lot of it. But I do remember that he wouldn't let me go out with my friends, and if I did want to go out with my friends, he had to be with me. He wouldn't let me do my hair, I used to poof my hair up a little, and he told me I couldn't do that anymore. He wouldn't let me wear hardly any makeup, he told me that if I worse makeup or did my hair, that's a sign to him that I'm trying to attract other guys. He wouldn't let me hold or touch my dog. I love my dog, he's everything to me. If I touched him, I would get yelled at, sometimes he would even tell me I'm a horrible person and a bad girlfriend and leave my house. I definitely couldn't hold my dog. I remember going into the bathroom with my dog just so I could hold him and love him. GuyA would tell me that I wasn't pretty, he would tell me all the time I look ugly with my hair up. Almost everyday, he would tell me that I'm fat, and if I don't get the perfect body, he's going to cheat on me with a girl who has a perfect body. He said him cheating would be my fault for not having the perfect body. He made me believe no other guy would want me, and that I was worthless. He would get mad if I spent my money on myself or on my dog. He made me believe he was the only guy who would want me. This all happened in the course of 9 months, not overnight. I can't tell you how I turned into a scared little girl, but I did. Now...I wouldn't have put up with that. I can't explain it. I wasn't who I wanted to be. I couldn't talk to ANY other guy, even at a store. Now I'm not saying we didn't have our good times. We had a lot of fun together too. I loved him, and he did show he loved me sometimes. Anyway, I'm not telling you this to try to make you feel sorry for me. That's what I don't want, and that's one of the reasons I wasn't going to write this. But if I can help ONE person get out of a relationship like this, that would meet my goal. I want people to know these are the warning signs of a bad relationship and a bad future with this person. Nobody deserves this, and everybody should get out. It takes so much time to work back up to being independent and to feel pretty and loved. I finally found a man who loves me and takes care of me. I'm so happy and this feeling is what I have been waiting for my whole life. I'm so glad I am with Tyler, he's amazing! This is the kind of relationship that every girl should hold out for. Don't settle, and don't say that being in an abusive relationship is ok because he treats you good "sometimes" and you guys have fun "sometimes." Anyway, that's enough of this serious post! :)