Engagements!!

Yes!!! We have our engagement pics :) Wahoo! So, I'm going to share some with you...but not the ones that are going to be on our invitations, because that's a surprise! Right? Right. So here they are:

The one above is Tyler's "Zoolander" model pose. That's why I posted it...I look like an idiot, but I love Tyler's look!

In the above picture...obviously we missed the memo that we were supposd to look off in the distance in the SAME direction...haha!

Obviously this isn't all, there's a couple hundred pics, but these are a few of the favorites without showing you the invitation ones; and I bet you can guess where we took them? The University of Utah! bahah, of course huh? Go Utes!!

**ALERT** This one is serious...

It's been forever since I've posted something! Wow...sorry about that. So the other day, I was watching some show on TV. This lady had killed her husband after years of emotional abuse. She finally had, had enough, after threatening her and her kids. This got me to thinking, the host of the show was telling people that if they are in that situation, to get out. Easy enough? I don't think so. Once you're that deep, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to leave. I've heard people I know say "Well, she's dumb for not getting out! If that was me, I would've gotten out right away." So I have an experience, it's nothing this bad, but it was the beginning stages of something that could've turned out a lot worse, and I got out. It was hard, even with how new the relationship was. I met this guy, we'll call him...GuyA. haha. Ok, anyway. I met him online. At first, he was so sweet; he had flowers delivered to my work on our one month anniversary, he would take me on dates and pay, he would open doors for me, he would come around my family, he would support me in my decisions, etc. For the first three months, everything was perfect. I thought he was the most amazing man, ever, and I think that was where my downfall was. Thinking he was the most amazing man, of course I would never want to leave him or upset him. I did everything to make him happy, just like he was doing everything to make me happy. So I'm going to tell you how we went from this blissful relationship, to a year later, him yelling at me in the middle of a restaurant and raising his hand to hit me. It was our one year anniversary. GuyA and I had decided to go up to The Gateway in Salt Lake and go to Applebees and find something else afterwards. So he came over after work, and told me that I had to drive because he didn't have gas. Ok, that's fine. As we were driving, he told me I needed to pay because he didn't have money. Well, I had gotten used to paying anyway, but I'll talk about that in a minute. As we got to Salt Lake, I wanted to go to the covered pay parking, it was January, and it was cold. He yelled at me and told me to park in the free parking, so I did. We got out of the car, the winter wind blowing, he yelled at me for not telling him to get his jacket. At this time, my thinking was, that this WAS my fault. I was so stupid for not reminding him to take his jacket. Now? I'm thinking, what the freak...it's January, what person doesn't KNOW they need a jacket in this weather? Right? Anyway..on with the night. We get to the restaurant and sit down. GuyA sits down next to me and turns his chair to watch the TV. His favorite drink was Dr. Pepper, so I told him that I would order him Dr. Pepper, he tells me he just wants water. This was so unlike him. He never ordered water, it was ALWAYS Dr. Pepper. I told him to stop being like this, and to just get Dr. Pepper. He turns around, and told me that he's getting water. The waiter comes, I tell him to bring him a Dr. Pepper, GuyA gets mad and says he just wants water. I tell the waiter, it's ok, to bring a Dr. Pepper and water, trying to please GuyA again. GuyA gets more mad because of this. Now he won't even talk to me. The waiter comes back and I order an appetizer and I order GuyA a steak (his favorite) and order my food. After waiter leaves, I try to talk to GuyA. No luck, he won't even turn his head. I try to tell him it's our anniversary, and we should be having a good time. No good. I put my hand on his neck, trying to get his attention, this makes GuyA extremely mad. He turns around, stands up, and yells "Get your fu***** hand off me, you stupid bi***!!" He then raises his hand to hit me, looks at the table of men next to us, and walks out of the restaurant. I sat there, humiliated and hurt. I didn't know what to do. I start to call my friend, Lisa. I don't want to cry, and cause more attention to myself. Everyone is staring. I look like a helpless girl who gets abused. Luckily Lisa is in Salt Lake with some friends, she'll come pick me up from the restaurant. I hang up with her. I call my mom and tell her what happened. I can't even talk through my tears. The watier comes and wants to know if I want to cancel the order and to see if I'm ok. I tell him to keep the order, trying not to act like a drama queen. I tell him I want it to go. He brings out the food in a sack, I pay, and walk out of the restaurant. I get a text from GuyA telling me he's sorry and that he'll go to my house tonight to make me feel better. I break down. Luckily Lisa was waiting for me by the curb. GuyA's sister texts me...I tell her it's over. GuyA keeps texting me, apologizing. Lisa takes my phone. The next day, I'm the most happy I've been in a long time. I feel relieved and happy. GuyA left scars that will take a long time to heal, and my self esteem needs time to be built up, but it'll happen. I'm afraid to speak my mind, I'm afraid to disagree with anyone, I'm afraid to do a lot of things. But these feelings pass with time. How did I get this way? How did I turn into this scared girl afraid to stand up for myself? After the first three months, GuyA changed. I can't go into detail, I don't remember a lot of it. But I do remember that he wouldn't let me go out with my friends, and if I did want to go out with my friends, he had to be with me. He wouldn't let me do my hair, I used to poof my hair up a little, and he told me I couldn't do that anymore. He wouldn't let me wear hardly any makeup, he told me that if I worse makeup or did my hair, that's a sign to him that I'm trying to attract other guys. He wouldn't let me hold or touch my dog. I love my dog, he's everything to me. If I touched him, I would get yelled at, sometimes he would even tell me I'm a horrible person and a bad girlfriend and leave my house. I definitely couldn't hold my dog. I remember going into the bathroom with my dog just so I could hold him and love him. GuyA would tell me that I wasn't pretty, he would tell me all the time I look ugly with my hair up. Almost everyday, he would tell me that I'm fat, and if I don't get the perfect body, he's going to cheat on me with a girl who has a perfect body. He said him cheating would be my fault for not having the perfect body. He made me believe no other guy would want me, and that I was worthless. He would get mad if I spent my money on myself or on my dog. He made me believe he was the only guy who would want me. This all happened in the course of 9 months, not overnight. I can't tell you how I turned into a scared little girl, but I did. Now...I wouldn't have put up with that. I can't explain it. I wasn't who I wanted to be. I couldn't talk to ANY other guy, even at a store. Now I'm not saying we didn't have our good times. We had a lot of fun together too. I loved him, and he did show he loved me sometimes. Anyway, I'm not telling you this to try to make you feel sorry for me. That's what I don't want, and that's one of the reasons I wasn't going to write this. But if I can help ONE person get out of a relationship like this, that would meet my goal. I want people to know these are the warning signs of a bad relationship and a bad future with this person. Nobody deserves this, and everybody should get out. It takes so much time to work back up to being independent and to feel pretty and loved. I finally found a man who loves me and takes care of me. I'm so happy and this feeling is what I have been waiting for my whole life. I'm so glad I am with Tyler, he's amazing! This is the kind of relationship that every girl should hold out for. Don't settle, and don't say that being in an abusive relationship is ok because he treats you good "sometimes" and you guys have fun "sometimes." Anyway, that's enough of this serious post! :)

I'm MORMON ?! What...

Be forewarned...this is a very religious post! So, it's true, I'm LDS. Mormon. LDS. Whatever you want to call it. I was thinking about this lately, because there's been SO much negative media about the LDS church. I'm on Twitter, and I've noticed a lot of anti-LDS articles and reader's comments coming from The Salt Lake Tribune. I'm pretty sure all the new hype with mormon's has a lot to do with Romney running for president. I'm not saying all the new spotlight on the LDS church is bad, a lot of it is good; but a lot of it is bad. I was thinking the other day, I would much rather be LDS (like I am) and be the one being made fun of, talked bad about, etc.; than be on the other side, and be the one doing the bad mouthing and making fun of other people. I can tell you, that for me, the LDS church is more than just church. It's somewhere I can go on Sunday's, and get away from everything. Now, granted, I've only been going back to church for four months now, so it's still new to me, but I love it so much. I love the feeling I get when I go to church or even when I read church material (books, scriptures, etc.). The years I was away from the church, I wasn't happy in comparison to how happy I am now. I know Tyler has a lot to do with my happiness right now, but I know that most of it is church. Looking back, I don't know why I spent so many years feeling how I was feeling. I remember being so sad and feeling so alone and upset, I would just cry in my room asking God to take away all the pain I was feeling and to help me do what He wanted me to do. I remember begging him to just take me away from the world and the pain. I remember sometimes feeling so alone, so bitter, so angry. I looked back on the person who I was and wished so bad I could be that person again. Now, I'm not dismissing other religions, and I'm sure people of other religions feel the same way about their church. But the LDS church is where, I personally, feel the happiest and most at peace. I'm so glad God didn't take away my pain, because I wouldn't have learned anything. I had to find my own way back. I had to work through the pain and heartache to find out who I really am and who I really want to be. My ex and his dad are anti-LDS. They would always say negative things about the church. They would find anything and everything to spin and make the church look false and dumb. I would sometimes fall into these traps. I would find reasons to hate the church and to think that it's false. Looking back at these claims I would make, they don't make sense now. I soon realized that by doing that to the church, I was being very hypocritical. Me, on the outside, was judging the church and the people of the church; but then I was judging them, based on my assumption that they were judging me. How is that right? It's not. It's very wrong. I can't expect my actions and thoughts to be justified when those thoughts are the very thing that I'm judging the LDS church for. That's like me getting upset at my brother for not sweeping the floor, when I don't sweep the floor either. It doesn't make sense, right? But there are so many people that do that! Judging is very common, and everyone does it. But to be hypocritical, that's another thing. I finally realized that this was so wrong, and I really didn't have a valid reason for being so against the church. I decided I wanted to go back. The LDS church teaches you to love everyone. The media makes it out that the church is anti-gay, anti-everything. They make it sound like the LDS church is a brain washing cult and they are strict. This is not the case at all. The church makes you feel loved and wanted. It makes you feel like you're worth something and you have a purpose in this life. I know that I would hate to be that person who is so hateful towards something. I would hate to carry that around, harbor those bitter and horrible feelings. I've witnessed how it is when someone gets hateful feelings everytime anything reminds them of that thing they hate. How can people live like that? They must be so uptight all the time. The anger just boils up inside of them and then bursts out when that thing they hate shows up in the tiniest way. I just know I would never want to feel like that. The LDS church teaches us to love everyone and to treat everyone with respect, no matter their background or who they are. Jesus would never make fun of anyone, make them feel stupid, or treat them like they are lower than him. This is what I strive for everyday, to not be prideful, to not think I'm better than someone, and to treat everyone with love. I want people to know they can come up to me without thinking I'll say something rude or judge them. I want people to leave me happy, not upset. I don't want to be that kind of person that you talk to and you know they'll talk about you behind your back. I want to become a better person everyday. Anyway, this is such a random post. Sorry! It's probably something that shouldn't be posted, but I feel strongly about it and wanted to share it!

Ok, so lately I've been struggling with my body image. I'm not sure where these lame thoughts came from, but I don't like feeling this way. I work out at least four days per week for an hour or more, and I eat healthy. There's no reason for me to have these thoughts about myself. After researching the issue, I've realized that a lot of women have these feelings. In fact, eight out of ten women are dissatisfied with their bodies. That's almost 90% of all women! I also read that of the women who are of average weight, 10% of those women want to weigh what would be classified as underweight. They also say that out of those women who are dissatisfied with their appearance, over half are seeing a distorted view of themselves. 80% of women who look in the mirror see themselves as bigger than they really are. I once watched a show on TV, I forgot what it was, and they had a group of 10-15 women dressed in the same outfit. They had one woman choose which woman she thought most closely resembled her body. They always chose a woman who was larger. One woman, who was a size 8, even chose a woman who was a size 14! I think that just proves how distorted some of our views of ourselves are. Men have body image issues too, but it's not as common as women. I do think that women are judged based on their image more than men. A man can walk around over-weight, and still be attractive. But for a woman to walk around slightly over-weight, society doesn't deem her attractive anymore. Just think about it, beautiful women are everywhere, most of them are not all natural. We see them everywhere, billboards, TV, movies, the mall, etc. It's proven that young girls see more images of beautiful women in one day than our mother's saw throughout their entire adolescence. Did you know Marilyn Monroe was a size 14? She was a complete sex symbol in her day. In 1917, the ideal woman was 5'4" and weighed 140 pounds! It has become increasingly less. Even 25 years ago, the ideal woman only weighed 8% less than the average woman. Now? They weigh 25% less than the average woman. The current media ideal for a woman is only achievable by less than 5% of the population, and that's just the size. But if you want the height and weight, it's less than 1%. Less than 1% of the female population is able to achieve the "perfect" look, according to media. A fact I found: A 15 minute exposure to a fashion magazine will decrease a woman's satisfaction with her body image by 50%. They've also done recent studies and found that a woman's exposure to magazine pictures of super thin models produces depression, stress, guilt, shame, insecurity, body-dissatisfaction and increased endorsement of the thin-ideal stereotype. Vogue and Elle are actually banned in many eating disorder clinics. It has also been shown that women with eating disorders think their actual body size has increased after eating a chocolate bar or soft drink. Some even think this after eating a high-calorie lunch or snack. An estimated 1,000 women die each year from anorexia. This number is way too high. I could go on forever about this. But I wanted to talk to on some things I found about air brushing!

I just posted this picture to show you how dramatic it really is. We look at this girl in a magazine, and we think she's perfect, and try our hardest to look like her. We are all perfect the way we are, God made us how he wanted us to be. If we were all supposed to look the same, He would've made us that way. Why do we go by what the media wants? They want someone who is pretty much impossible to get to, someone who's bones are sticking out, and who's unhealthy, and fake! They show us these pictures of fake women, who are air brushed, and we fall into their trap that they're real. We look in the mirror and see a normal body, we all have flaws, but we forget that every single woman in the entire world has those flaws. We forget that the flawless women in magazines and on TV are fake, that their flaws are just being covered up. I want to show you this picture too. Marilyn Monroe was considered perfect in the 1950's, and now look at the "perfect" woman.

Anyway, I'm just going to post a few more pictures on airbrushing, just so you can see the before and after, and the huge differences in their bodies. Sorry about the long post, I just think we've had enough of the media telling us how our bodies should be.

And your beloved Victoria's Secret models before airbrushing...

Anyway. I know this was a long post, but it's something that's been bothering me. I hope this helps anyone who is struggling like me!

It's all because of Mink...

So...I don't know how to blog, and do all the cutesy stuff! But my sister Mink, she started me on this blogging thing. She started a blog, and it looked fun, so now I am! :) Tyler and I met in February, and we are getting married in October. I know...I know...I always, ALWAYS made fun of those people! I had a rule when I first met Tyler, I told him that I had to date someone for two years before getting engaged. After a few weeks, that turned to one year. One year, that was my rule! No getting engaged for one year, Tyler. So, it turns out...two months later, Tyler and I were engaged. Call me crazy, you can, I judged so many people for doing the same thing, I deserve it. I've had my share of bad experiences, just like everyone has. So to me, two years was not long at all. I had found out a lot of bad things after one year...a year and a half..etc. I've been engaged twice, and both times turned out pretty ugly. The first time, he decided he didn't want all the responsibility, and left me. He moved to South Carolina with his dad and step mom. I'm pretty sure that was one of the most painful things that has happened to me. After a few months, he wanted to get back together. We dated again, he moved back. Big mistake. So the second time is a very long story, but it didn't work out, and it ended bad. I thought all hope was lost for me, and my wedding dress hanging in my parents basement would never be used. I'm LDS, but I hadn't been to church for about 6 or 7 years. So, by the end of my second failed engagement, I just didn't want anything to do with it. I was thinking I would just date for fun, and have fun, live my life, and who cares what happens. The months went on, and I started talking to random guys all over the place. I went on dates with them, I planned dates with a few of them. None of them really did it for me. I was excited when a couple of them text me, but nothing that I was really interested in, and that I would be really upset if they stopped talking to me. That sounds mean, but it's true. So then I started talking to Tyler. We met on Twitter, he saw a tweet that I sent that mentioned the Utes football team (go figure). So we started talking on Twitter, then I gave him my phone number, and we went out. He took me to a Grizzlies hockey game. My brother, Bryce, found out he was LDS...so he turned on his music really, really loud and was sure to pick one that swore a lot. (That's just Bryce). Bryce was dancing on the stairs when Tyler knocked on the door, it was really funny. I opened the door, and I don't remember what I felt. I think I was too embarassed from Bryce, so I said something stupid mentioning Bryce dancing and playing his music for Tyler. haha. He opened the car door for me, and we were off on our date! In the car, he had a book, it's called 100 Things Utah Fans Should Know Before They Die, or something like that. I was so excited because I had asked my sister for that book for my birthday (my birthday was the following week). We talked about Utah football, we talked about everything. Tyler seemed genuine, and he was so easy to talk to. One thing I do remember very well, was the pants he was wearing..haha. Ok, don't think I'm a creep, but I've always like the pants guys wear...I think it makes their look! So if they wear ugly pants, then it makes them look bad, in my eyes. Tyler had really nice pants on. Anyway, he bought me dinner at the game. It was so much fun. Our date was on a Wednesday night, so we had to get back early. As we were driving back, we still had good conversation. He walked me up to my door, and gave me a hug. I don't remember thinking anything fabulous at this point, but it was nice. I wasn't sure about going back to church at this point, so I was kind of worried if he was LDS, he wouldn't want to date me. So I remember trying to guard myself from being hurt, and trying not to read too much into our date. The next day, I text him and thanked him for the date, and told him how much fun I had. He text me back, and we texted a little more that day. Tyler asked me out for my birthday the following Monday. We went to a movie, and that's when he held my hand for the first time. It was so sweet. We went back to my house after and hung out. That following Saturday, he took me to a Utes basketball game. After this, we went to my house and hung out again. He didn't kiss me till this date. It was soo nice. Anyway, this is getting way too long. But I found out he had just gotten back from a mission in June or July of 2011, and he was, obviously LDS. He never pushed me to go back to church, even though he knew I hadn't been. He actually never asked me if I was going back or anything. He never judged me, he never made me do anything I wasn't ready for. He was so sweet to me, still is. I started going back to church, and now, I'll be able to get my temple recommend back in September, and Tyler and I are getting sealed in the temple October 11, 2012! I'm so exccited. By the way, Tyler had this girl after him when we first met. She was his ex's friend or something. He told me she was pretty upset when he told her that he didn't want to see her anymore, and that he had a girlfriend. He also said that some lady his family knew emailed him and tried to set him up with her daughter. Ya..he's a wanted man. jk :) But really, I'm so glad I beat out all those girls, and of course, Tyler was way above any of those guys I was seeing. Our relationship keeps getting stronger, and my love for him grows more everyday. We are learning about each other, and how to work together. I love him so much, and I can't wait to be sealed to him so I know we'll be together for all time and eternity, and I never have to be without him! I wouldn't want it any other way. The road back to church is hard, but that's for another post. Sorry about this long novel!